THE TALE OF JACK AND HIS JANE’S TAIL

Welcome back my friends

to a story that never ends,

the story of Jack and Jane

not Jill who left Jack, jackin' in vain.

Jack and Jane met each other in college

Where they became friends

for Jack did like Jane’s décolletage.

Their romance flowered

in the sordid cafeteria

and then went on to bloom

in a secluded grassy area.

Their fiery coupling was the talk on campus

and made others shed tears through their rhinus.

Time did fly as always it does fly

and soon it was time to graduate

 without even learning about what they ate.

Jack was offered a job

and left for the interview in a nearby town

 where on getting the job he got plastered

and woke up after lottsa time had flown.

He came back to town

to tell Jane the good news of his getting a job

 but found Jane missing

while he was thinking of her a kissing.

He searched and searched but all in vain

and finally he perched on a train

to go to another city

to study dentistry

which he had sacrificed

for the sake of Jane’s shrouded mystery.

Time continued flying

and found Jack lying

with many a belle

with whom he watched telly.

Jack was hard working

and after a lot of walking

he did become a dentist;

A pillar of his community

For he made a fortune

by breaking others teeth for a fee.

Though he had the money

and all the girls he could do

he still was not happy

and wished Jane he could do.

Where ever he went his eyes kept roving

seeking Jane he kept on moving

but poor Jack had to hit the sack

all alone without a whack.

One day Jack had to travel to Timbuktu

to attend a conference with other quacks too.

Where all day long they discussed

who could pull out tooth better

as if it really did matter.

Later that night Jack returned to his hotel

for a fight with sleep all through the night.

 As he climbed the broad stairs

He saw a Broad in white

Descending like a fairy.

A fairy so bright

He had seen nary.

As the fairy came closer

he knew he was the loser

as it was Jane who descended like a fairy.

Jack rushed up the stairs

with his arms held out

crying , “Jane” for he wanted to crush her tight

but as he neared Jane

he knew it would be in vain

for Jane did stop him

and said, “Jack, I’m now somebody else’s wife.”

Jack felt as if he had been stabbed with a knife

for he had thought that Jane had come

to end all his strife.

“Don’t touch me Jack” she cried,

“For I have a husband,

but we still have a chance

for the rules we can bend.

Do as my husband asks

and he will release me

and we can then live happily ever after

and have all that we hanker after.”

Blinded by lust

Jack was willing to play along

and asked her exactly

what her husband did need.

Jane did then point up the stairs

and Jack did see a midget

as grotesque as could be.

"He is my husband" said she,
the one with the décolletage.

who had left him after college;

 but she did say that the monstrous midget

had abducted her and kept her locked

until she had agreed to marry that monster.

“Great story” said Jack “But why bother

me with this tale so hoary?” he asked.

He then had a clear and closer look

at the grotesque midget

whose face was so ugly

that he then realized

that nobody would him marry

unless he forcibly did carry.

His face was twisted beyond imagination

but it still held a fascination

for as a dentist he had never seen

teeth so dirty and scary.

The face was as crooked

as the teeth were,

his forehead was gnarled

while his lips over his crooked teeth were curled.

“What do you want from me,

in exchange for Jane to give to me?”

He queried the midget so weird.

The midget then spoke

In a voice that sounded so hoarse

Like he was speaking in Morse.

“Make me all right,

Make me straight.

Make people look at me

Without fright

and then with Jane

I would do you right” he said.

Jack was shocked to hear him say,

for he knew there could be no way

to make this midget fair to stay.

“I’m just a dentist” he protested

looking at a face he so detested,

“What you need is a plastic surgeon

not me a mere tooth fairy surgeon.”

The midget shrugged his ugly shoulders

and said, “Do it if you want Jane’s udders.”

Blinded by lust was Jack so poor

that he agreed to try

 even if it did mean

that the midget he did fry.

The midget then took him

to a modern surgical theatre

equipped with surgical tools

of the best nature

that Jack then did make

the midget lay

while he did stay

to find a way

to make the ugly midget better

and with Jane have his way.

Not knowing what to do

Jack took a hammer and a chisel

and tried to carve away

the unwanted flesh and bones

from the midget’s face

while he did a whistle.

He worked for days and nights together

sacrificing sleep forever

until one day he said he had finished

and called Jane to tell her

that she were now free as she had wished.

With happiness writ all over her face

 Jane came into the theatre with grace.

She stared hard at the midget

and could not believe

 it was the same cad so ugly.

Jack became impatient

for he had finished working with his patient

so he urged Jane to come away

as the midget had promised that they may.

Jane stood still as if she had turned to stone

while Jack grabbed her arm to take her home.

She shrugged him off and said,

“You dumb dodo,

he now looks better than you,  you know,

 so go away and I with him will continue to stay

for he is much more handsome

now than you to play.”

Poor Jack was heartbroken

but from his lust had woken

indeed he did learn the hard way

not to love a woman

who didn't love him
but seek a woman who surely loved him.