MY MEDICINE – 4: ON THE INDIAN JUDICIARY

A cow was running away from the jungle,

upon seeing this a curious elephant did stumble

it stopped the cow and asked the reason

for her fear and panic resulting in confusion

The cow said: “The Government has ordered

That all buffaloes be cornered

and be caught to be put in custody in the jungle.

The elephant said: “But you are a cow; and your cowbell doth jingle

So then why are you my dear Cow, running?

Why are you running and puffing and panting?”

The Cow replied: “I know I am a cow but if they catch me,

I will be forever done you see.

it will take me twenty years or more

to prove that I am a cow and not a buffalo”

Now the elephant has also started running with the cow.

That’s because of the Indian Judiciary; you know

Inspired by a funny e-mail forwarded to me by a friend…

MY MEDICINE – 3: CELEBRATING LANCE ARMSTRONG

It is just terrible and disgusting

how everyone have been treating

Lance Armstrong the cyclist,

especially after what he achieved though unfit,

Winning seven Tour de France races

while being high on drugs,

is not something someone shrugs

or sweeps under their rugs

Hell, when I was on drugs which I did like,

I couldn't even find my bike!!!

Inspired by funny e-mails forwarded to me by friends…

As I grow older: I've learned that pleasing everyone is next to impossible, but pissing everyone off is as easy as eating a piece of cake. People don’t want to sweat the serious stuff and prefer to enjoy the frivolous. Therefore, I’m sharing some jokes I’ve received as e-mails in the past and have modified them to make limericks out of them.

Image Source / Courtesy: 

https://www.eonline.com/news/1154916/lance-armstrong-estimates-he-told-quot-10-000-lies-quot-during-his-doping-scandal

THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

(ALTERNATE TITLE - THE HORNY MEN WITH NO MERCY)

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
The sun has set; the birds returned to their nest
Now darkness has made everything to rest

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
Without your foundation or your bright make up
You sure look pretty fucked up

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
Have you been dumped though you were true
Or were you cursed by the Men you turned blue?

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
You drama queen; your tantrums and all your fuss
Has led you to being alone thus

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
Your lust and sex is the cause of all your distress
Without love sex can turn into a mess

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
You assumed you could conquer all with sex
but became a play toy and everyone’s ex

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
You stepped on men with your lust
Now you’re old and unloved will turn to dust

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
“I sought love and offered my body” She said
“but these guys only wanted me to bed”

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
“I only sought happiness”, She said
“but these  guys ended up messing my head”

Oh what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone and palely loitering
“to fall in love and to be loved, I was hasty
And ended up with horny men who had no mercy”

I now know what ails thee, damsel in distress.
Alone, lonely and palely loitering
I hope you’ll now learn with horny Men not to mess
For I know the knights who caused this, I can guess

I know Keats must now be turning over in his grave and I request his spirit to forgive me for murdering his verse.....

WRITTEN FOR MY WIFE ON HER BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

All that I can give you
are only roses and a rainbow
for I frankly have no money
to throw or to blow

All that I can give you
are only roses and a rainbow
for they add beauty to you
and leave the rest pale; you know

All that I can give you
are only roses and a rainbow
Roses tied together with a rainbow
a gift to be treasured, for sure

All that I can give you
are roses and a rainbow
I have nothing else to give you
but I’ll give you all my love…

COLLEGE MEMORIES

When I was in college,
the bushes and many a hedge
around campus used to shiver
and in darkness quiver.
It would scare my very being
and leave me wondering
if the college was haunted
Until I yet undaunted
kept desperately seeking
what it was that was making
the bushes so frantic
I then found the co-eds tactic
to enjoy their privacy
and their longing for intimacy
Now whenever I see a bush
I know I should hush
and not spoil the fun
of many a young 'un

I truly do not remember anything that I ever studied in college but can only remember such interesting anecdotes of my sojourn there. Truth be told; I never attended classes......